• WHAT'S IN THE BOX?:

Somewhere, there’s a zoo in a box. A Las Vegas wedding, your birthday party, a yoga class, the science fair—it’s all out there, waiting to be discovered. We can’t tell you where or what, or for that matter, why, New Times’ 2011 Spring Arts project, Box City, is. But if you’re reading this, chances are you are holding a piece of the puzzle in your hot little hands.

So what are people looking forward to about Box City?

“We are really excited to have a good time and listen to good music with members of the community,” commented KCPR general managers Steven Ramsey and Ted Andreas. “Any event where we are allowed to play loud music in public places is really a gift to us.”

“I’m looking forward to an explosion of contorted malaise on the faces of the elderly when they realize that they have mistaken our box for the rideshare van,” said Neal Breton, owner of San Luis Art Supply.

“I’m also hoping that Arts Obispo despises it,” he added.

So what sort of person is drawn to Box City?

“People from all walks of life will flock to Box City like moths to a flame,” said Andreas and Ramsey. “It will be unstoppable, unprecedented, unbelievable.”

“People with marvelous talent and the desire to have a good time,” said Breton—though he admitted to harboring fears that the event’s secret location would become a hideout for alcoholic vagrants, and possibly even albinos desperate to avoid the sun’s rays.

Great. So how many are expected to turn up?

• SPECIAL DELIVERY: Box City, New Times’ 2011 Spring Arts Annual project, is a collaboration with Meathead Movers. Box City is an odyssey in three parts, the first installment taking place on Feb. 25. Consult this paper for more clues.

“On the upside, probably 50,” shrugged Breton.

“As many sardines as we can pack in,” chimed in Box City co-conspirator and New Times film columnist Bryce Wilson, from some dark unseen corner.

“Millions,” boasted Andreas and Ramsey, still delirious over their station’s recent Woodie Award nomination. “Box City gives everyone in the community something to celebrate, love, fear, hate, worship, and everything in between.”

What are people bringing to Box City?

“Cabinet speakers, turntables, laptops, rainbow colors, and our high-powered fission reactor,” said KCPR’s managers.

“I’m bringing canvas and the positive attitude Debbie Gibson taught me on her mall tour,” Breton said.

“Madness.” (That must have been Wilson.)

Somewhere out there is a science experiment waiting for you, the scientist. Somewhere there’s a canvas waiting to be colored by your unique imagination.

Somewhere out there, there’s a dance party in a box. Can’t you hear the distant thudding of beats echoing the quickening, anticipatory throb of your own aortic pump? If you can find it, be cordially invited! Bring your spandex! If not, better luck next time. You’ll have two more chances.

Arts Editor Anna Weltner sometimes thinks inside the box. Contact her at [email protected].