The nasty plastic bags gotta go. They’re ruining the environment. We need to go to paper bags, or those large, plastic, permanent grocery bags!

I agree—but wait. If we use paper bags, we’ll deforest the forest. Remember, that’s why we went to plastic bags. And eventually those big, permanent bags are going to be thrown away, and they have hundreds of little-bag plastic in them. If everyone has one and discards old ones, the world will be shrouded in plastic!

Next, we’ll have to wear big, baggy pants and coats with big pockets to take our food home.

How ’bout we stop listening to these kooky, the-sky-is-falling environmentalists. We should have stayed with paper. The forestry industry does not want to run out of trees; for every tree they cut down, they plant five.

And Big Al, you said in 10 years the world, as we know it, would end. That was 10 years ago.

It’s still here, Al.