There are many mammals living somewhat harmoniously with the recent population growth in San Luis Obispo County, such as the deer, weasel, fox, bobcat, and mountain lion. This is not to mention the many beautiful raptors and other birds, such as the turkey and scrub jay. But where are the grizzly bears, also known as Ursus arctos horribilis? Do you ever find the mockery of the grizzly bear on our state’s flag as distasteful as I do? Do you ever wonder about the fact that, at one point in time, there were more grizzly bears in San Luis Obispo County than anywhere else in the world?

Oprah Winfrey recently named San Luis Obispo the “happiest city in America.” This is not true, because I know plenty of unhappy people in San Luis Obispo. It’s funny: I didn’t see Oprah asking the grizzly bears how happy they are. And you know why? Because they are not happy. They are up in Alaska and Russia, freezing their asses off and getting shot at by rednecks, when they could have been basking on the beach, fishing in the bay, digging for roots, and scaring off the local Indians.

If we want to be “green,” we should be trying to once again co-exist with the grizzly bear. And if Oprah has it her way, she’ll make damn sure no grizzly bear ever steps paw in this county ever again. This is because she wants to bring all her rich friends here, who are up to no good. The way I see it, Oprah is just as responsible for the murder and extinction of the grizzly bear as the Spanish conquistadors are. Shame on you elected city officials for welcoming that woman and her television show to town.