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About us? UGH! How to make your couples' bio not totally suck

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You know what almost everyone hates doing? Yes, wearing wet socks. Yes, getting inoculations. Yes, waiting as your car's oil is changed. Yes, yes, yes! But I'm talking about something really horrible! I'm talking about trying to write nice, funny, poignant things about you and your significant other. It's, like, impossible! If you're getting married, however, the couples' bio is an inevitable part of the wedding website process.

Whether you're using The Knot (theknot.com), Wix (wix.com), WeddingWire (weddingwire.com), or one of the many other wedding website builders, you'll inevitably be prompted to write the dreaded "About us" section, in which you're supposed to write about what an amazing couple you are without sounding like wooden automatons, humorless strivers, or narcissistic boobs.

HAVE FUN It's your wedding. It's your wedding website. It's your story. Have fun with all of it—the pictures, the bio, the details, everything is a reflection of you as a couple. - IMAGE COURTESY OF APRACTICALWEDDING.COM
  • Image Courtesy Of apracticalwedding.com
  • HAVE FUN It's your wedding. It's your wedding website. It's your story. Have fun with all of it—the pictures, the bio, the details, everything is a reflection of you as a couple.

Are you supposed to write separate biographies? "Jack was born in Michigan's Upper Peninsula, where he spent an idyllic childhood swimming in the neighboring lakes and avoiding water moccasins. He eventually attended Gogebic Community College, earning an AA degree in computer and information sciences. He's now a proud member of Best Buy's Geek Squad! Jill was born in nearby Lac Du Flambeau, Wisconsin, and raised on cheese curds, German brats, and the Green Bay Packers before attending Nailology Salon and Academy, where she earned her nail technicians certification. She has a thriving nail business specializing in custom designs. They met on Tinder, where they bonded over their shared love of hot wings and karaoke."

Are you supposed to write about how you met or the proposal? "Jack and Jill actually met up a hill. Seriously! They were hiking Cerro San Luis, he on the way down and she on the way up, when his Corgi, Otis, broke free of his leash, ran full speed into Jill, knocking her into a sage bush. They knew immediately they were destined to climb ever higher mountains, and last summer as they ascended Mount Kilimanjaro on their vacation in Tanzania, Jack got down on his knee and asked Jill's hand in marriage. She said yes, but while he was kneeling, he got ringworm, which is contagious and later spread to Jill, but they weren't going to let a skin disease stop their love! Treatment is ongoing so avoid kissing the bride after the ceremony."

Are you supposed to write about your plans for the future? "After their pending nuptials and subsequent honeymoon in Barbados, Jack and Jill will make Somewhere In California home for the next two years as Jill, an ichthyologist, engages in a fully funded study at the Desert Studies Center of the Mohave tui chub, a small endangered fish found only in the Mojave River. Meanwhile, Jack, a high school dropout and amateur sociologist, will be commuting to nearby Las Vegas, where he'll work as a croupier in the El Cortez Hotel and Casino. The ElCo is widely considered the worst casino in Vegas, but it's great for people watching. Jack also plans to acquire Cambodian by listening to openculture.com's free language lessons during his 200-mile round trip commute. He hopes to act as Jill's interpreter when they travel to the Mekong River in 2022 for Jill's study of the giant freshwater stingray, which can weight up to 1,300 pounds and grow to 6 feet across. 'Chomnuoy' is Cambodian for 'help!'"

Yes, it's pretty much impossible to not sound idiotic, but there are a few suggestions that might make the horror and pain of writing a couples' bio slightly less horrible and painful.

BE ROMANTIC In the "About us" page of your wedding website, keep it about the "us" part of you. Focus on the romance. And keep your blurb simple—no one needs your whole life story. - IMAGE COURTESY OF THE SPRUCE
  • Image Courtesy Of The Spruce
  • BE ROMANTIC In the "About us" page of your wedding website, keep it about the "us" part of you. Focus on the romance. And keep your blurb simple—no one needs your whole life story.

First of all, keep it short and simple. You don't have to tell your life story. This is also about you as a couple, not your separate lives leading up to your coupling.

Some people write about how they met, their first date, the proposal. Others write about where they're currently living and what they're doing for work, and what they plan to do immediately after the wedding.

Definitely break your writing into paragraphs. Big blocks of uninterrupted text can be intimidating.

If you each want to write something separate, perhaps about each other, it's a good idea to set some guidelines regarding length and tone. If writing together, start by brainstorming some ideas. Have you had some adventures together? Any funny or poignant memories? Shared milestones? Shared personality traits?

What do you love about each other? What do you hope for your future together? What insights can you offer about the nature of your relationship?

Imagine what you write as an informal note to a friend—keep it light, hopefully funny, and most of all let your personalities shine through.

You can write it in the first person: "We met over our shared love of dogs. I was walking Otis, and he wore a shirt that said, 'Introvert but willing to discuss dogs.' It just felt right."

BE YOURSELF It's harder than it looks—in your wedding website's 'About us' section, you're supposed to write about and show what an amazing couple you are without sounding wooden, silly, or narcissistic. - IMAGE COURTESY OF WEBDESIGNER DEPOT
  • Image Courtesy Of Webdesigner Depot
  • BE YOURSELF It's harder than it looks—in your wedding website's 'About us' section, you're supposed to write about and show what an amazing couple you are without sounding wooden, silly, or narcissistic.

If it's more comfortable, write in the third person: "Jack and Jill met over a dead pig. It's not what you think. They were lab partners in eighth grade science class."

The bottom line is there's no right or wrong way to write your "About us" section. Well, actually, there are a lot of wrong ways. Please see the examples above. Just forget it. It's impossible to do well. You're both doomed. But hey, you're getting married! Congratulations! Have an amazing life, and don't worry. In five years, no one will remember your awful wedding website bio. L'Chaim! Δ

Contact Senior Staff Writer Glen Starkey, a happily married dude whose wife wrote their wedding bio, at gstarkey@newtimesslo.com.

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