Opinion » Street Talk

Allow me to fill out your ballots


Election season: Can you smell it? It's like a mix of fear and bravado and a little bit of Scotch pretty much what my place smells like all the time. You think I'd be used to it by now.

But no. I never get used to my place. Or elections, for that matter. Just when I get all comfortable afflicting a comfortable set of officials, the voters have to go and shake things up. Fortunately for me, status quo seems to win more often than not in this neck of the woods. Will nurse-cum-juggernaut Lois Capps' Democratic momentum carry her right past her now-ancient term-limit promise and into another two years? Sorry, Victor Tognazzini, but all signs point to yes around here. If there's one thing Central Coasters like more than complaining, it's stability, and at this point in her political career, Lois is about as stable as a Pismo pier piling. Pow!

This attitude also doesn't bode well for Donald E. Hedrick, the "crazy" mayoral candidate in San Luis Obispo proper. I saw him passing out business cards a few weeks back, and from the looks he was getting on the street, I don't think SLO folks were offering to help fund his campaign. I've heard that he's against out-of-town developers pulling the strings around here, so I guess that makes him exactly like fellow candidate Christine Mulholland. In fact, I have trouble telling the two of them apart sometimes.

No, I'm just kidding. I kid. I kid because I care. And I care because, well, how can I not?

With Nov. 7 rolling toward us like a tree-branch-encrusted snowball, I was all ready to roll out the Shredder list of endorsements this week. Then, I got a feeling that I should do a little more research. Up until now, I've been basing my election decisions on whether I thought I could take out any particular candidate in thumb wrestling (state) or beer pong (local). For national candidates and issues, I never vote. That way, I can complain to everyone no matter what the outcome is.

Anyhoo, I started reading the Tribune I know, I know and I got a little jittery. Endorsements are a big deal, made by big important people, not sarcasm-slingers like little ol' me. I didn't interview anyone. I didn't want to interview anyone. And that got me thinking even more, which is always a bad sign.

So that made me a little weary of endorsements. It made me wary, too. I was both tired of and cautious in regard to endorsements. Then I got depressed.

While I was moping around, I saw a notice from the California Department of Parks and Recreation that Monarch butterflies are returning to Pismo State Beach, which is funny, because I thought Ernie Dalidio had paid them to stop at his land instead. Maybe their contract doesn't kick in until his development is completed. What do I know? I can't tell a Monarch from a Mulholland, since they're both dependent on nature and whatnot.

That cheered me up, as thinking of butterflies always does, so I decided that I'm wholeheartedly endorsing Steve Diamond for Grover Beach City Council, mainly because I'm interested in seeing what would happen if he got the seat. I've heard that some people are worried he'll replace educational books in the library with smutty magazines like Barely Legal, but have you read some of what those snooty literary types consider classics? If that book about some lady named Chatterley and her lover had a mouth, you'd wash it out with soap!

Look, he's not going to turn the library into a House of the Rising Libido I don't think city councils have that sort of sway but if Steve does get in, all bets are off as to what will really happen. It'll be like the Fourth of July, except we won't have to wait until dark for the fireworks.

Waves goodbye?

On a completely different track, I just have to say that I keep hearing flutterings about whether or not Clear Channel's selling its local stations. National news outlets have been printing tidbits about the titanic communications behemoth, peppered with items about the Mays family who appear to have the uppermost hand in the company's stock and are "warming" to a potential upcoming change and words like "leveraged buyout" and "largest voting block" and "third-quarter financial results," the last of which could be available in early November. Are you as on the edge of your seat as I am?

Some shadowy industry insiders have said with more than a wink that the stars seem to be aligning to portend a local sale. But hey, I'm not a media expert. It could all be lies, rumor, and innuendo. In fact, I couldn't tell a Mays family member from a Mulholland, which means I couldn't tell a Mays family member from a Monarch butterfly or SLO mayoral candidate Don Hedrick, either. I think I need to get a new set of eyeglasses, maybe something rose-colored. The ones I'm wearing suck.

Add a comment