Guess what? Geek Out is going to be getting one more minion: Wife and I are having a son! The little guy is due at the end of December, and that means a whole slew of geekery to pass on. Sure, it’s a given that he’ll be weaned on Tolkien and Trek, be trained in the ways of the Force, and will know the names of the planets before he can walk, but there are some serious Geek Parenting issues to figure out:
Do I start him on NES so he knows how good he’s got it when he starts playing next gen games? They won’t even be next gen to him. It was heartbreaking when I tried to get a friend’s 10-year-old to play Super Mario Brothers.
“This is booooring.”
Is he just going to grow up looking at dad with pity: “You guys actually used your hands to control your games?”
Do I start him on Episode IV? I mean, to kids nowadays the Clone Wars cartoons and the prequels are Star Wars. How do I explain to him that Han shooting Greedo first makes his journey from scoundrel to hero that much more fulfilling? Is he going to laugh instead of cringe at Jar Jar?
How long do I get to play Grand Theft Auto in front of the little mewling lizard?* Kids can’t see past six inches until they’re 5, right?**
Then there’s the shopping. Dear lord there’s a lot of stuff that goes into these things. I keep trying to tell the wife that a dresser door and an orange juice pitcher worked fine for me—why do we need all this stuff?
Man, can pregnant ladies do that whole flat stare well.
There’s nothing that’s going to get you out of the visits to Babies ‘R Us for all the standard equipment, but there are a few websites out there that can make shopping for Geek fathers and fathers-to-be as much fun as a trip to Newegg.
Before jumping online, check out Whiz Kids in SLO. They’re more of a toy store than a snarky/geeky baby clothes store*** but their selection is great and the staff is always friendly and helpful. Kind of hard to get a website to smile at you, y’know?
These guys have the corner on the geeky baby toys/clothes market. Star Trek red shirt onesies, OMG Pwnies bibs, and yes, the Wampa sleeping bag. I dare you not to go nuts here.
Not just for homemade jewelry anymore, Etsy actually has one of the best selections of geeky onesies on the interwebs. From Star Trek to Lord of the Rings, they’ve got you covered. Get it? Covered?
My kid is doomed.
* That I refer to the impending hatchling as “lizard” horrifies both Wife and my mom. I keep trying to tell them it’s an homage to Bill Cosby’s classic “Natural childbirth” routine. It doesn’t help.
** I’m told it’s actually two to four months. So I’m rounding up a little … .
*** Let’s be honest, dressing the kid in a “Come to the Dark Side, we have cookies …” onesie is more about impressing your friends than the kid, who is just going to drool on it anyway.
Contact Contributor Nicholas Walter via Managing Editor Ashley Schwellenbach at firstname.lastname@example.org.