According to an anonymous Turkish proverb that has stood the test of time, “Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and as sweet as love.” Although I have to admit this is a badass quote (it should really be on a T-shirt), I have to disagree slightly. Here’s my take: “Coffee should be black as death metal, strong as WWE Wrestler Sheamus, and brewed as cold as Cruella de Vil.” This heat wave has been beating us all up lately, but luckily for us SLOcals, Black Horse Espresso and Bakery has the cold brew on lock. And since cold brewing makes for a smoother, less bitter cup (it’s the lower acidity), I can skip the sugar packets altogether. Woo hoo! Because really: If I am going to consume excess sugar, it’s going to be in the form of a Madonna Inn pink champagne cake. Oh, snap! That would make a great T-shirt too …
• Black Horse’s Cold Brew—$4 for a grande, 1065 Higuera Street, SLO.
You haven’t experienced this wine correctly unless you’ve sipped it alongside a heaping forkful of pork belly confit with Coca Cola-imbued sauce and vanilla beurre noisette. I know, this makes me sound like an insufferable, annoying snob, but the aforementioned bite was crafted by none other than Chef Kenny Toledo of Thomas Hill Organics, and by Jobe, he deserves a massive shout-out for creating such a killer flavor combo. A round of applause for Kenny, please! With an alluring cherry cola-cranberry vibe and a playful hint of vanilla, this exceptional wine played perfectly against the salty, fatty pork swimming in harmonious sauces. I will admit, this expressive pinot noir would still be insanely delicious on its own, if that’s all you have handy. However, if you decide to bring a piece of pork belly into the tasting room, that’s up to you. I’m not saying don’t do it.
• Edna Valley Vineyard 2012 Winemaker’s Series Pinot Noir—$30 a bottle; 2585 Biddle Ranch Road, Edna Valley.
Hayley Thomas always cries over spilt pinot at firstname.lastname@example.org.