Well, you guys, U.S. Rep. Salud Carbajal's opponent Andy Caldwell is finally right about something.
"People should wonder about Salud's judgment," Caldwell wrote in a statement, "he consistently endorses candidates that don't even have support in his own party."
You have to admit. It is pretty funny. Carbajal endorsed Beto O'Rourke as the Democratic nominee for president in June. O'Rourke couldn't even win the Senate race in his own state against baby Yoda meme killer and Republican idiot-cumbent Ted Cruz. After losing that awkward battle, O'Rourke decided, "You know what? I definitely have a better shot at being president." It's the only thing that made sense.
So, Carbajal, being the astute politician that he is, endorsed his former Washington, D.C.-roomie, the Lone-Star longshot! What are roomies for? They've got to stick together!
O'Rourke dropped out of the presidential race at the beginning of November, and by the end of November Carbajal's already moved on to another candidate! How could you? O'Rourke thought he was special. Welp, the Lone-Star Kid's already moved on too. He's now thinking a bit smaller—he's going to flip The Texas House in his home state! Who knows, maybe, he'll call his ex-roomie for an endorsement.
You can catch them on a 2017 U.S. Rep. Jared Huffman (D-San Rafael) podcast called Off the Cuff, where the three roomies talked "unfiltered," "direct," and "honest" about their own version of Alpha House. A whole 837 people listened to this particular episode, so obviously it went viral. Huffman and Carbajal shared a bottle of California wine, "because we always have to do this, although Beto is having a craft beer." Beto, WTF? You didn't want a glass of "good 2nd District California wine"? That's not very presidential of you.
Well, Carbajal's got a knack for taking up with folks who aren't presidential. After O'Rourke pulled out, Carbajal hopped on over to Sen. Kamala Harris' (D-California) downhill slide from presidential campaign success, endorsing her one week before she also realized she didn't have a chance in hell against hair-sniffer Joe Biden, finger-pointer Bernie Sanders, or perpetual planner Elizabeth Warren.
In a way, you could say, Harris and Carbajal were state roomies. Like, you know, they shared the same state! She probably even drinks California wine! So, obvi, he just had to endorse her. Duh.
What Caldwell was not right about was the rest of the statements he made in his little press release jab against the 24th District incumbent: "Salud has openly embraced socialism," Caldwell said, "and that concerns me far more than his political fumbles."
Looking at the comments about this endorsement on New Times' Facebook page, I'd say the socialism embracers out there do not agree with Caldwell on that one!
"Good to know Carbajal is part of the Corp establishment," Susan Schenk Testa wrote, only adding later: "Well that didn't take long, so which establishment tool will Carbajal back now, Biden or Mayor Butthead."
Of course he is. How do you think he raises so much money? Carbajal toes the center of that party line like if he steps on the rope, he's going to fall to his political death, so saying he embraces socialism is a little whacky. So far, the guy's only "political fumbles" when it comes to the Democratic Party have been who he chooses to endorse for president. And Harris is definitely not a socialist.
Just ask Testa, who's definitely a Bernie Bro (but, you know, the gender neutral kind of bro).
You know what else isn't socialist? Evicting tenants near Christmas because if you don't get rid of them by Dec. 31, 2019, you can't raise the rent by 40 percent like a total douchebag. Yeah, everyone, that's what's happening. Gov. Gavin Newsom with the good hair signed a tenant protection law in October that bars landlords from raising the rent by more than 10 percent in a year and evicting residents without "just cause" starting on Jan. 1, 2020.
Well, landlords are just freaking out in one of the most expensive places to live in the country and evicting tenants willy-nilly so they can set rents as high as they damn well please for the suckers who move into them in 2020.
"We've never received as many calls regarding people who are getting their rents raised or getting eviction notices as we have since October," SLO Legal Assistance Foundation Legal Director Stephanie Barclay said.
And those potential evictees are just added to the pool of soon-to-be homeless for the holidays individuals who are getting kicked out of the Grand View Apartments in Paso Robles for committing the crime of choosing to complain about their living conditions. I guess that's the price you pay if you don't have the money to own a home.
Well, that's just capitalism at its god-damned finest, wouldn't you say, Caldwell? Is that something you can get behind? Or, wait, I know. Just like Fox News hound Al Fonzi, you're going to blame all of the Democrats for causing this problem. Well, you don't have to. I'm going to roll my eyes up into my head before you do and save you the trouble.
Good news, though, I hear Carbajal's taking roommate applications. And maybe, if you're feeling spicy, you can even run for president. Δ
The Shredder knows a good socialist by their Facebook profile picture. Send comments to firstname.lastname@example.org.