I’m sort of a PBR and Jameson kind of guy, but when Executive Director Deborah Love of the Exploration Station, the South County Family Educational and Cultural Center, contacted me through Facebook to see if I wanted to judge their fundraising event, the Chemistry of Cocktails, I was like, free booze? I’ll do it!

• TASTE THE ALCHEMY!: On Sunday, Nov. 6, from 2 to 5 p.m., the South County Family Education and Cultural Center Exploration Station will host the Chemistry of Cocktails, a fundraising event that will feature the best bartenders in the county mixing up specialty drinks to compete for the title of Best Drink Maker in the Universe! The West Coast Jazz Cartel will provide music, and bartenders from classy joints such as McLintocks, the Cliffs, Lido, Novo, Fin’s, Sea Venture, Rosa's, Mongo’s, the Quarterdeck, and Cafe Roma will mix the cocktails. Tickets are $35, available at explorationstation.org (click the “buy now” tab) or by calling 473-1421 or e-mailing [email protected]. The event will be held at 867 Ramona Ave., in Grover Beach.

• PHOTO BY STEVE E. MILLER
• DRINKY DRINKS : Delicious drinks like these will be served Nov. 6 at a fundraising event for Exploration Station.

Then I started thinking: Isn’t Exploration Station a kiddie science museum kind of thing? So I messaged her back, and she assured me that children would not be making the cocktails, and in fact this was going to be kid-free event. Whew! Now my only problem will be getting myself safely home after tasting a bunch of delicious cocktails, which reminds me of this story.

This guy leaves a bar, and he’s a little tipsy, so when he’s driving down the street and sees police lights in his rearview mirror, he really starts to worry. Once he’s pulled over, the cop walks up to his window and says, “Have you been drinking, sir?”

“Well, no, officer, no I haven’t been.”

“Really? Because you seem a little tipsy,” says the cop. “Where are you headed this time of night, anyway?”

“I’m going to a lecture on drinking and driving,” claims the man.

“Come now, who’d be giving a lecture on drinking and driving at this time of night?”

“My wife.”

Ba-duh-duh!

• PHOTO COURTESY OF WALLPAPER_S.ORG
• SPLISH SPLASH : The event features bartenders from McLintocks, the Cliffs, Lido, Novo, Fin’s, Sea Venture, Rosa's, Mongo’s, the Quarterdeck, and Cafe Roma.

Trust me, that joke is hilarious when you’re drunk. Of course, I’m not going to get drunk. This is a classy event (It costs $35! But it’s for a good cause!), so I’ll be “tasting” drinks. Plus, word on street is there’ll be some light food, like margarita and champagne cupcakes from Lickety Split. Mmm. Lickety.

“The bartenders are letting us know what they’re mixing up in their labs, and the cocktails sound very exciting!” says Tosha Punches of the Exploration Station. “Don’t miss out! This is going to be a fantastic bartender competition! Come and vote for your favorite, eat some great food, listen to some awesome live music, and have fun in our science center!”

That’s right! Live music by the West Coast Jazz Cartel. This is going to be super fun!

It reminds me of another story. This guy’s driving along and gets pulled over, and the cop walks up and asks, “Have you been drinking, sir?”

“Nah, why?” asks the man. “Have I got a fat chick in my car?”

Hey, hey, hey, ladies, don’t get offended. I’ve got one for you.

A feminist walks into a bar that has a sign out front that reads, “For Men Only.

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” says the bartender. “We only serve men in here.”

“That’s okay,” she says, “I’ll take two of them.”

I got a million of ’em!

Okay, now go buy your tickets and I’ll see you at Chemistry of Cocktails. If you’re nice, I’ll let you drive me home! If you get pulled over, you can say, “Why, is there a fat guy in my car?” And there will be!

Ba-duh-duh!

Glen Starkey takes a beating and keeps on bleating. Keep up with him via twitter at twitter.com/glenstarkey, friend him at Myspace.com/glenstarkey, or contact him at [email protected].