So let me get this straight: about two weeks ago, a Cal Poly fraternity and sorority party was held with the theme “Colonial Bros and Nava-Hos,” in which the men dressed up in colonial-era costumes and women dressed (if the word is even applicable) in skimpy Native-American attire? When certain students were interviewed by The Tribune about their opinions on the matter, we received such gems as someone not thinking it was meant to be racist, there being more offensive themes out there, and more than one person not being surprised about the theme in question? Oh, good.
I’d like to say “Hello!” to those new readers here to rip me and the rest of the college population a new one for the way we poison the town with such despicable stunts as these. I’d also like to thank the parties responsible for drawing this local hostility; you’re doing a great service to those of us who stupidly believe in playing it safe and sane, that are here because we hope to get something out of school, that might otherwise be an example of how it makes absolutely no goddamn sense that you are seen as being the majority. You call yourself Greeks, but I recall the Greeks bearing more wisdom in certain matters … .
As it happens, I happen to actually be wearing a costume right now for a party I’m attending later, my Tenth Doctor suit that I stupidly spent hours scouring thrift shops for the individual pieces of rather than picked up for $20 in some cluttered shop to never wear again. The last party I attended wearing this suit included fully dressed women who had stitched impressive pieces together themselves, and we somehow succeeded in enjoying a sober evening together. I’m really going to have to remember to start referring to these swanky chicks with better words, as they’re only there to get off on, right? I’m going to remember, when playing games with friends, that “raped” is a synonym for “utterly destroyed,” usually referring to the opponent I victored over and that's okay because obviously I don't mean the real thing so why not say it? I’ll forget that I’m living on land that once belonged to other people, with different cultures, and that terrible things happened to them just so eventually a freaking Wal-Mart could be put up. Oh, yes, Wal-Mart, that reminds me, have to get more beer before the Black Friday rush. This is gonna be a sweet Thanksgiving. Wait, what was I talking about?
Intern Chris White-Sanborn doesn’t even know what to say anymore. Send your collegiate news to firstname.lastname@example.org.