Well, Cuesta, you finally made it. It may be several years too late, (or is it weeks? I can’t tell these days), but here it is, your very own Spring Break! Now, unless I’m mistaken, there’s a higher likelihood of your populous knowing the area well enough to not need advice on where to go for this blessed time in which there is no school, but that just provides a greater challenge. For every hip joint that only the most sheltered of individuals would be unfamiliar with, there’s a waterfall hidden on the outskirts of town. For every Travel Channel-famous urinal, there’s a geocache lurking near the Mission. And for every overly-eager columnist barking feverishly at the school mascots as they go by, there’s a random fact or story in this town that, like a squirrel, he’s raring to sink his teeth into to taste the greater mythos.

One could enjoy a guided audio tour, for example, through the Mission San Luis Obispo de Tolosa, and hear tales of its history amid the shelter of the statue of Junípero Serra; but then one might explore the dark depths nearby, being careful to avoid the local chapter of the California Congregation of the Undead. By “depths nearby” I of course mean the few traversable feet of the creek underground, and by the California Congregation of the Undead, I of course mean the graffiti which clearly indicates, with a convenient arrow and everything, that there are zombies underneath our city.

Of course, even if mythological labor unions are your cup of tea, horror genres and terrible smells might not be. Better to return to greater legends, better to return to King Arthur himself! Unfortunately, the Lady of the Lake, if there was one, has likely mutated out of control here in San Luis Obispo. While Magical Swords are handy, disgusting, likely unhealthy lake water is not. Don’t go looking for treasure underneath, I can’t guarantee you’ll find it. You might find a boat, though. 

Of course, in the end, the real question is not “will returning to places I’ve explored already help me write better Central Coast fan fiction?” but instead, “What new memories can I forge with the precious time I have? Is my time better served escorting a loved one on her first trip to collect colorful pebbles at the beautiful shores of Montaña de Oro, or shall I finally see what all the fuss for Avila Hot Springs is about? Will it even matter what I do if it helps broaden my horizons?” 

Intern Chris White-Sanborn is not a zombie, but he doesn’t judge. Send your collegiate news to cougarsandmustangs@newtimesslo.com.