All right, everybody out of bed right now! Move it, move it, MOVE IT! What are you doing oversleeping on this perfectly functional weekday morning? Don’t you know you’re in college?! I said out, Jenkins. Don’t think you can feebly shake your pillow at me; I’ll have none of it! Which reminds me, get out your Shakespeare right now and turn to page—What’s that? ... College, uh huh ... summer ... yes ... .
Oh, I KNEW that! But just because both Cuesta and Cal Poly are on break doesn’t mean college events stop happening! If anything, this is the perfect opportunity to broaden your horizons, which is what college is all about, right? Character development is in full force during these hotter months, as slackers become motivated and hard workers just stop caring. (I don’t know what that makes you, Jenkins, but I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough.)
First, we have some congratulations to give out to some talented Cal Poly students. In an annual California State University research competition, 13 Poly students went to Cal State Long Beach and kicked some serious tail (and whatever else the various school mascots have back there; we don’t go into the details here). Anyhoo! These fine students took on a variety of fascinating projects, not the least of which was studying ice cream as a protective medium for consumption of health-promoting bacteria, a tremendously interesting fact that I, with my wealth of linguistic knowledge, admittedly have no idea how to paraphrase. Four of our students at this event even won for their individual projects; these were Anna Clauson, Marcus Foley, Rachel Gohres, and Kevin Schilling. Congratulations to you and to everyone else who participated.
Jenkins, I’m catching your eyes droop a little bit. The fact that my mentioning ice cream that can make you healthier doesn’t wake you up is deeply disturbing to me. Besides, it’s a discredit to those people in the area who still have finals to take care of. What, were you watching terrifying movies again last night? Well, Jenkins, you have nothing to worry about for this particular final. On June 24 at 3 p.m., Dance Obispo will hold its Student Showcase to show off the wealth of talent in all of the program’s different styles and age levels. You’ll see jazz, ballet, and more at this event, so support these performers!
Now as for all of YOU, I expect to hear some serious Beach Boys blasting from this room when I get back, got it? You’re in California; try living out the stereotype for a change! And … Jenkins? You kind of spazzed out a bit when I mentioned ballet.
It was Black Swan last night, wasn’t it?
Intern Chris White-Sanborn has been waking up college students for years. Try pressing snooze at firstname.lastname@example.org.