So I’m just sitting there, minding my own business, when all of a sudden the earth starts to shake. I check the calendar as best I can, but it’s swaying back and forth so I’m unsure of the date. Suddenly it hits me: STAMPEDE! A gaggle of horses is racing over the hills toward the far-away dorms and halls of study. There are more of them than I could possibly care to count—and I play all generations of Pokémon, so that’s saying something.
They’re all headed this way, toting ludicrously expensive books and posters by artists I don’t pretend to recognize. Suddenly something else hits me: the front of a horse, to be exact. It hurts, but given the way everyone is going to be driving for the next month, it was going to happen eventually. It just meant it was time for me to don my reflective vest (pulled tight enough to keep my ribs in place) and direct that traffic myself.
So ’sup, Mustangs? Welcome to your new weekly scoop (ignoring Mustang Daily for reasons of temporal measurement). I’m going to let the rest of this newspaper speak for itself, but as for this column, this is the thing you read specifically for news about stuff that pertains to you. Like great events that are coming up, for example, or spotlights on projects your peers have made. Really, it’s all quite wonderful stuff.
The best part is this doesn’t have to be a one-sided deal. Feel free to contact moi if you really want the world to know something. This isn’t Dateline, after all—it’s a column dedicated to SLO’s rampant college scene. While we’re on the subject, check out the special issue tucked into most of our papers this week that holds that purpose. New Times’ annual Student Guide is full of tips on how to make your experience in SLO as pleasant as possible.
Now, to be fair, I must tell you that you have to share this awesome column. The students of Cuesta College also seek my sage advice (when they have nothing better to do), and you’ll get to know all of their names by the end of the semester. Or, uh, quarter. Now, you, Jenkins, in the third row. Pass this syllabus out, will you?
Whoa. I just hallucinated I was a teacher. Maybe I should see someone about this horse injury.
Intern Chris White-Sanborn is ready to hear all about it. Send your collegiate news to email@example.com. Happy 2012-2013 school year, everyone.