Claps hands.* Congratulations, Cougars. You made it through your summer classes. Now you have three weeks to yourself. You need to clear your head from all that learning and thinking, don’t you? Well, here are some tips for getting the most out of your freedom.
Students recovering from math classes should head to Captain Nemo Games at 565 Higuera St. on Thursdays at 4 p.m. for Open Game Night. This is a weekly shindig where you can bring any board game (or join someone else’s, if they let you) and really have at it. My suggestion is for students to hop into a game of Monopoly and ... oh. Yes, that’s right. Monopoly games take forever and require quite a bit of math—they are school incarnate. OK, so my suggestion is for students to hop into a game of Clue. Murder may use numbers on TV, but here ... oh for heaven’s sake! What do you mean you don’t even want to count the spaces you have to move forward? Ugh, fine. My suggestion is Jenga. Can it, architecture and physics students.
Moving on! English students feeling bombarded with language should enjoy a nice, relaxing evening of Shakespeare on July 26, 27, or 28 at 7:30 p.m. at 800 Club House Drive in Paso Robles. Few things numb the brain quite like beautiful, complex, and antiquated language. It’s certainly what I use when I have a headache. It’s not like I’m recommending Michael Bay here. Oh, what’s that? Too complex anyway? Well, then, if you’re so picky about words, why are you even reading this paper? Get out of here! Scram! Everyone else should check out centralcoastshakespeare.org and enjoy the production of The Tempest on one of the aforementioned dates.
OK, here’s something everyone should appreciate. On Tuesday, July 31, the Atascadero Chamber of Commerce will hold a barbecue at Atascadero Lake Park at 9305 Pismo Ave. Bring your friends and enjoy some nice food! ... Oh you have got to be kidding me. Home economics students don’t even want to think about food? What is this world coming to? OK, OK one more try at this, I think I’ve got it.
Free vocal lessons will be available on Tuesday evenings at 7 p.m. through Aug. 21. Come to Unity Theater in SLO at 1490 Southwood Drive to learn barbershop. Vocal music for the win!
No. No, you’re not going there. No way. I refuse to hear that. Are you really trying to tell me that learning about the forms of energy, one of which is sound, has desensitized you to music?
WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME?! ∆
One of these days, Intern Chris White-Sanborn will be fired for arguing with his readers before they even complain about anything. Send duct tape to firstname.lastname@example.org.