Good afternoon, readers. Thank you for coming. You’re probably wondering why I’m dressed all in black, despite the fact that you can’t actually see me. Welcome to Cal Poly Dead Week. I am here to extend numerous condolences to the students who have passed on. They’re in a better place now … a higher place. And yet, one far more dangerous. My beloved Mustangs, please have a seat and continue to study in the inner shadow of my fortress of solitude.
Now, Cuesta-goers, you should hopefully be aware that your Mustang brethren live in Quarters, which is not an unusual arcade euphemism. It is merely a cultural difference. But though you yourself have many weeks to go before fleeing, don’t think you’re getting off that easy! Unfortunately, now more than ever you may begin to realize the extent to which you’ve slipped and fallen behind. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.
Frankly, though, those 11 weeks are not going to all take care of themselves. Please visit room 5300, the Student Life and Leadership area, to pick up a daily planner book for writing down your myriad assignments. Let it know all about your nefarious schemes for visiting dentists and reading textbooks, and help join in their inception! Let it and it alone know when the big day with that special someone is. I can personally guarantee that your ink movements are not being transmitted as waves through the air back to an underground security bunker below the cafeteria.
You may wish to also consider getting that newfangled cellular device of yours to beep at you whenever you have some project coming up and are, by your usual schedule, not in the middle of class, nor toward the beginning or end of it. Asking a friend to remind you, or even verbally badger you, can also help to keep on task.
Remember that while taking time for mental health is important, you must not let that become an excuse for never getting back to what needs to be done. On the other hand, if you’ve found no time whatsoever for yourself, you may want to take a moment, if a very brief one, to contemplate whether what you are doing is healthy. Supposedly, scholarly success involves a balance of things. You need time to discover who you are as a person and adult but also time to discover who you are as a worker and show what you are currently capable of. Sometimes you may care a lot about what you are learning to do but struggle immensely with it. That’s OK. The best in any craft have poured thousands of hours into it, and what is asked of you is that you show your own unique resolve.
Intern Chris White-Sanborn cheers on his fellow students. Send pom-poms to email@example.com.