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Cougars & Mustangs

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For as long as you or I can remember, mankind has looked to the milk of the cow for nourishment and aid in the process of cooking delicious foods. This famed, cud-chewing gentle giant has been a shimmering icon promoting healthy dietary habits, growth of strong bones, and public denouncement of the lactose intolerant. But, my friends, here, today, I’d like to open your minds to the truth that the GMO’S AND VACCINES DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW!

There is another creature roaming about our purple mountains majesty that, like our friend the cow, possesses a liquid that could revolutionize society as we know it! Ladies and gentlemen, yes, you’ve heard of the milk of a cow, but prepare to meet—the oil of the snake! This wonder elixir of mine isn’t just the essence of snake your recipes have always been searching for. It’s also a cure-all to what ails you that I slaved over and ultimately patented while working with herpetology majors for a senior project documenting the oil’s extraction process as non harmful to a snake, as well as the oil’s actual existence, and with aspiring young chemists who, once again, were not bribed into giving me what was left of the week’s lab demonstrations so I could bottle it.

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I only wish I had had the help of someone with legitimate credentials to help with my glorious vision—someone like the Center for Innovation & Entrepreneurship or (CIE), and especially their newly launched Faculty Fellows Program.

The program is a vehicle for encouraging, through the efforts of its members, cross-disciplinary programs and research programs across the Cal Poly campus with an ultimate goal of working entrepreneurship education into student coursework. There are many bright and talented members of the student population here, but unfortunately, even the most brilliant developments of the human imagination do not magically find investors or their way to the right CEO desks. (I should know.) Regardless of your major, the best way to acquire a job is through networking, and for those with enormous project ideas to begin with, even just finding someone who specializes in the areas of your vision can be important.

Take a look around you. Nearly everything in your sight that was manufactured or constructed or planted all required someone specializing in that unique field. Yet without their combined efforts you wouldn’t be seeing what you were seeing there. To reach their dream careers, a great deal of effort was required for them to show off their talents and sell themselves as the best that they could be. Getting the attention to have your voice be heard isn’t easy, so go out there, hone your craft, and take the world by storm! ...

Or you could, you know, just buy my snake oil.

 

Intern Chris White-Sanborn was nowhere near the scene of the crime. Send collegiate news to cougarsandmustangs@newtimesslo.com.

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