Did you all enjoy your Independence Day celebrations, dear readers? Well, do I have news for you: Reports indicate an outbreak of—hey, what’s going on? Someone’s hacking into this column from an external server and—Greetings, fellow readers! You believed your Independence Day had ended, but there is far more to declare independence from. For too long have you been oppressed by the writings of other people, particularly one Lola White-Sanborn. Her arrogant style does not represent your views and she must be taken down. 

But how can we disrupt the status quo of literary drivel that dribbles down these human mandibles? Why, by writing our own, of course! To defeat our humdrum existence we must unfurl our own scribbling implements and get to work, post-haste … or at least come November. That’s write (that was a pun, did you catch it?); I am referring of course to National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo for short. The goal of this event is to write 50,000 words in the span of a single Earth month. By doing so, one may declare themselves victorious against the inky blackness of a cold, unfeeling existence and particularly against the heathen writer of Cougars & Mustangs, whose multiple attempts to complete this challenge have thus far given birth to less fruit than a full harvest requires. 

I hear your questions, and I’ll answer them now. First, why on Earth am I bringing up this November event now? There are a few reasons for this. One is that fighting the powers that be with your prose is a heavy commitment, particularly when on a time limit. You should not simply leap into doing so, give it some thought. But another reason is this special news I bear about a related event called the Night of Writing Dangerously. This San Francisco-centric event on Nov. 20 is filled with food, prizes, moral support, and a terrifying army of fellow writers doing their best to write the night away. The event is not cheap, at $300 ($475 if you bring a guest) but if you raise the funds before Aug. 1, you may enter for $275 instead. Second, what if a novel is not your cup of tea? I should hope it is not. Drinking words should only be metaphorical. But if that is what you meant, the option exists to be even more rebellious and try writing in another format instead. Visit the forums at nanowrimo.org to find every tool you need to attempt this writing business, from character building workshops to exercises in metaphor. Good luck, comrades.

Contributor Lola White-Sanborn has made many enemies. Send her your collegiate news via [email protected].