Opinion » Shredder

Enjoy the leftovers


So what’s going on this week? No, really, I’m asking. After the absolute run of chaos that unrolled last week, and perhaps a few days before that, I’m flummoxed. Perhaps I went a little too heavy into a rant about ex-planning commissioner Sarah Christie to make way for the other mind-blowing bouts of idiocy leading us into the winter solstice holiday.

So honestly, all the good stuff is past and here are the leftovers. But aren’t post-Thanksgiving turkey sandwiches better than the full meal?

Our senatorial Democrats really have the balls to call their latest Frankenstein creation health-care overhaul? Sure, it’s overhaul in the same way you might rebuild an engine by banging it with a hammer. They’re prancing about gleefully at how they passed two test votes to carry “landmark” legislation that will give everyone health care. I know I harp on this a lot, but where’s the landmark?

I couldn’t get a firm number, but if you tromp around for a while you’ll find most polls reveal that most Americans want a public option in their reform. Or at least they want to have the option. People start to tear amongst themselves mostly over the so-called health-care reform. According to the Washington Post, Americans were split almost dead-even on the milquetoast bill plotzing its way through the Senate after record-setting douche bags like Joe Lieberman took the whole thing hostage—though I hope we don’t forget how much our squeamish government caters to the insurance industry, which is oh-so-fragile. Except with all the veritable insurance bailouts this will provide, stock prices in the insurance agency sector are skyrocketing.


If I understand this vapid, useless piece of legislation correctly, then what we’re looking at is mandatory health insurance. This means employers will have to buy employee plans, and I think people who wish they were rich enough to be dirt poor get some sort of subsidy. That would be all well and good if it weren’t for the fact that most plans average people or employers can afford will only cover all of your costs if you’re hit by a car that then backs over you for good measure. Ironically, the car has a better shot at getting an insurance-paid repair.

Still, the Reps pitched a fit because of all the behind-the-scenes deal making on the bill. Funny enough to think any bill isn’t subjected to the usual mediocre quid pro quo and private-interest back scratching. It was even better to watch John McCain attempt to throw a tantrum when he can only flail from the elbow down. The clip I saw looked like the Penguin after being foiled by Batman. Wait, is it OK to make fun of his handicap yet?

Now I’m sure the hoards of Reaganomics dropouts will immediately pepper in the phrase “socialized medicine” that apparently conjures images of Fidel Castro performing a full-frontal lobotomy with a dirty butter knife and some cheap Russian vodka for anesthetic. At least, that’s why we end up with a paperweight we’re expected to accept as real reform.

By that logic, let’s dump all public schools. And so long, fire department. To hell with it—toss all of them out on their bureaucratic asses and let’s go anarchist. Please let that last bit bring in some letters. My inbox has been a bit empty lately. I think I saw an animated tumbleweed go flickering across my screen.

Which reminds me: Hold out your wrist so I can slap it. No one responded to my last request for the most shreddable moments of the decade. I’m tossing around ideas of how to close out the last 10 years, but I’m frankly lazy and can barely remember the last 10 minutes.

You’ve got until early morning on Dec. 30 to send submissions for a top five list. Otherwise suffer the consequences.

But back to that first rant. Maybe we should consider dumping the police. OK, not really, but I needed the segue.

You may have read this stuff about Jeff Milne—or Babbo as he calls himself. The cops kicked the crap out of Milne because they thought he was a burglar—a burglar with no shirt, no shoes, in a house filled with photos of himself and his family. He was also sitting there drinking and had guns lying around. Again, he was in his house.

Then a bunch of aggro cops threw him to the ground and maced him for doing little more, it seems, than wondering what the hell was happening. OK, that’s a bit of an embellishment, but when dealing with these types of cases, perception is everything.

   After mistakenly beating up an old man, the cops should’ve apologized profusely and hoped for only a mild legal thrashing. Instead they threw together a bogus charge to cover up their mistake. What’s worse is the department, city, and the District Attorney’s office backed up their brutal stupidity. And what happened to all the recordings of the incident and questioning? How do you let someone
shrug that off?

Unnecessary genocide

As the saying goes: Every time a kitten gets euthanized an angel gets its wings … if you work for the SLO Animal Shelter. I only got the Cliff Notes version, but based on that it seemed the shelter had 27 kittens scheduled to be destroyed by Christmas time. It might be the day before, but it’s definitely as close to the holiday as possible.

They say the shelter is full, which may be the case, but come on. They’ve housed these cats so far and apparently have the ability to keep them until the 23rd, when the decision will be made whether to kill them. If they hold off a little longer, there might be some people willing to take a cat or two rather than letting someone kill them all.

These cats were picked up from one house. If you think about it, the shelter rescued these animals only to put them on death row.

Shredder wants you to adopt a kitten. Send your top five to shredder@newtimesslo.com.

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