Opinion » Street Talk

Merry, merry, quite contrary

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I'm decking the halls. I'm jingling the bells. I'm hauling out the holly. I'm making the season bright. If I were any more Christmasy this Christmas season, I'd be a fruitcake. No jokes, please. I've heard 'em all already.

I don't know what put me in the mood this year. Maybe it's the frosted windowpanes. Maybe it's the tiny tots with their eyes all aglow. Or maybe it's whatever they put in this eggnog. I'm on my fourth cup, and I'm feeling good. Really good. Ho ho ho! Woohoo!

Honestly, all I want this year if you haven't bought me anything yet is my own two cents. Of course, I get that every week, but too much of a good thing can be a good thing, right? Ah, it's a wonderful life.

So maybe, instead, those two cents are what I'll give to you. Yeah. Merry Christmas. Maybe if you put this change under your pillow, you'll wake up and find two front teeth, which is all you really want, right? Or am I mixing up the duties of the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus? I need to be careful, because I don't want either of them to stop believing in me.

But seriously, I was all set to round up a local grinch and roast some chestnuts over an open firing squad in this holiday column, but my head's a little fuzzy. Is this rum? Wait, I don't want to know.

Anyway, I can't remember who I was going to harangue. Was it Tom Copeland, because of what some downtowners say is special treatment he gets from the city? No, that's not it. Besides, he's talked about enough as it is. With some people calling him a jerk and some people calling him a savior for his projects downtown, he's got as diverse a following as Jesus. Maybe someday we'll celebrate Copelandmas in San Luis Obispo. Oops. I hope I didn't give anybody any ideas.

Was it Paavo Ogren or the water board or anybody else associated with Los Osos and the craziness that continues to multiply there? No, that wasn't it either. I'm tired about writing about the sewer stuff, anyway. I've might have said that before, but I mean it this time. My gift to that community is moving on.

Maybe it was myself. I'm certainly a grinch most of the time. Still, I'm not being one right now, so even if I was going to say something about me, I don't feel like doing it anymore. That's my gift to myself, and I'm the gift that keeps on giving.

Oh, it'll come to me sooner or later probably when I hear the clatter of eight tiny reindeer on my rooftop come Christmas. Of course, I don't have a chimney, so Santa's got to get creative.

DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL

My thoughts this time of year have turned as one's thoughts typically turn at this time of year to the great mysteries of God, Heaven, and their interaction with all of us down here on the Earth. If you believe the folks who tell us that this holiday has less to do with retail (plug your ears, Tom) and more to do with a baby in a manger, this should come as no surprise to you. What may come as a surprise, however, is how on a recent midnight clear (actually, I don't know the exact time, but it was on Dec. 9), a major storm sent a power surge through K-LIFE's transmitter. The San Luis Obispo Christian music station 89.3 FM had to borrow equipment just to get itself back on the air at 25 percent power. Yeah, the storm fried the transmitter completely. Destroyed it. It can't be repaired. Zappo. It couldn't be more out of commission unless it was transformed into a pillar of salt.

Some of you may laugh and joke that this was God's comment on popular Christian music. Some of you may wonder if there even is such a thing as popular Christian music. Well, apparently there is, and instead of making jokes, Mr. I-Only-Listen-to-Jazz, maybe you can overlook your heart that's two or three sizes too small and get in the spirit of the season. All the Whos down in Who-ville would understand.

About a week before Christmas, the station announced that it had received about $40,000, though it needs about $20,000 more to get a new transmitter hopefully one that God won't smite for whatever reason this last one got smote.

Call 1-888-541-4343 to find out more. I don't usually give out phone numbers like that, but since my role is something of a community conscience, and my conscience is particularly buzzed on whatever's in this eggnog at the moment, I decided to step up a little this time around. I mean a storm knocking out a Christian radio station's transmitter? Talk about a sign from above. The least we can do down below is show a little charity. I, for one, already put in my two cents, but you can feel free to contribute whatever you feel like contributing. Just keep in mind that the weather forecast shows some more clouds rolling in just before Christmas, and we all know that lightning and, I suppose, power surges never strike the same place twice. The transmitter's already been a bull's eye. What's next your house?

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