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Questions For: Allison Baker, stressed Cal Poly freshman during finals week

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NEW TIMES So what are you sustaining your body on for finals week?

BAKER Most days I forget to eat, and if I do eat, it’s along the lines of chips, water, and bagels from Einstein’s.

 

NEW TIMES For those who have never experienced stress, what does it feel like?

BAKER It’s like having 20 unsanitary, homemade knives stabbed into the pit of your soul.

 

NEW TIMES Can you tell us what an equivalent situation would be, in terms of stress?

BAKER Probably being trapped in a room full of bees, mosquitoes, snakes, and other reptiles.

 

NEW TIMES Have you lost any hair?

BAKER Everyone has. The drains in the dorm showers are full of two wigs’ worth of hair.

 

NEW TIMES What is one thing you would change about finals week?

BAKER Eliminate the existence of the 7 a.m. final. Nobody can think at that hour.

 

NEW TIMES What are you going to do when finals week is over?

BAKER Weep in a small, small corner. Cry tears of joy. Go home and be stress-free for all of five days, then start the whole process all over again.

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