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Rove shocks Central Coast, world

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Notorious conservative politico Karl Rove startled attendees at a Central Coast fundraiser after he revealed a more liberal side of himself.

Rove, a former senior advisor and deputy chief of staff to President George W. Bush, spoke at a Republican event at the Madonna Expo Center March 27 in San Luis Obispo.

The fundraiser proceeded mostly without incident, with Rove calling into question the legality of current president Barack Obama’s newly signed health care reform package. But as Rove prepared to deliver the last lines of his speech, his left arm unexpectedly shot up and reportedly struck SLO County Republican Party Chair Tom Bordonaro squarely in the face as it flailed uncontrollably.

“Health care for all!” Rove screamed to a gasping crowd. “Tax and spend! Tax and spend!”

He momentarily struggled to restrain his arm before cramming his own hand into his mouth, letting out a series of muffled nervous chuckles.

Rove later apologized to the wide-mouthed audience and a teary-eyed Bordonaro for the outburst, admitting that for years he has struggled with Alien Hand Syndrome, a neurological disorder in which a person’s hand seemingly takes on a will of its own, outside the individual’s voluntary control.

Talking to reporters after the event, Rove said his disorder is the result of a neurological disconnect between his conservative parietal lobe and his more liberal—yet seldom engaged—occipital lobe. In times of liberal triumph, such as Obama’s election and the recent health care package, he said, his conservative disposition can be briefly overcome by passionate leftist fits.

“Mein Comrade!” Rove told New Times. “I can Marx!” he said, before the planet was suddenly annihilated in nuclear holocaust.

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