Opinion » Shredder

Same, same

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I've got to start going to the gym this year. The number of papers I'm shredding daily seems to keep getting higher, and I'm so busy I hardly got moved at all in 2018. My gullet is so full of fibers that it's starting to push the metal out. If I'm not careful, New Times is going to replace me with the younger, cheaper plastic version that has a faster grinder.

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Don't give me the slow clap just yet though, I'm too sarcastic and jaded to be replaced. Even I know that. Plus, new year's resolutions are for fools who buy gym memberships they will use twice and pay for until December 2019.

Here's one to keep though: Stop being an asshole to people who disagree with you. Oops, I've already crossed that line in my thoughts as I think about what's coming up in 2019. The rhetoric that started in 2017 and increased through 2018 will continue into 2019 unabated.

All the lady-haters will line up on the interwebs over the upcoming third annual SLO Women's March. Conservatives of the ultra-right ilk will line up in solidarity against symbols of feminine power—dishing it out via keyboard and computer screen because doing it #IRL is too scary. The Daniel Phareses of the world will continue to threaten females who stand for empowerment, sweaty fingers racing down keyboards in the hopes of letting the first zinger fly: "Liberal snowflakes are still upset they lost the election!" Ooh, sick burn!

Prepare your fingers for battle, people! We don't want to be at the bottom of that comment thread. No one will reply! Liberals are already salivating with the knowledge of the Facebook and Twitter battles that will be fought in the name of ideology, dammit: "White, uneducated, misogynist rednecks who are too ignorant to know better!" Yup, never heard that one before.

"Elitist!"

"Idiot!"

The conversation will devolve into ALL CAPS as people slowly start to lose their minds, heaping every last bit of angst about their families, ex-lovers, and house payments into their conversation with some random person they don't know.

In Morro Bay, residents will continue to square off over the Wastewater Treatment Facility—dragging the debacle ever closer to the Los Osos Sewer disaster. I wonder how long Morro Bay's new mayor, John Headding, will continue his attempts to placate the disgruntled residents of town. He's made one so far: a thinly veiled and strangely worded desire to "acknowledge" that there were uncounted protest votes against increasing residents' water rates in the interest of "transparency." Headding didn't want to actually include those votes as protests, because it would screw up the city's plans.

We'll see what happens during the discussion Headding agendized for City Council, when the city won't actually do anything but talk about how people are pissed—which is basically what the city talks about every time the treatment facility comes up. Well, that, and how many times the damn thing has changed location (about five) and how much it's going to cost (about $128 million). Oh, and the conspiracy theories. Please, don't forget about those.

In Cambria, where people who once lived prosperous lives go to get sucked into local politics at an annoying level, residents will still be talking about how shady the Community Services District is. General Manager Jerry Gruber is finally gone—thank God!—but the gadflies live on. Who is the CSD going to replace him with? Ooh, I know. Somebody no one will be happy with who will quickly become miffed by the sheer number of complaints falling out of a handful of people's mouths.

That damn "emergency" water facility still isn't permitted to operate. Residents who are currently paying for a system the community can't use might be crossing their fingers for another drought, simply so water can flow through the empty bowels of a water recycling plant that's still dividing the community.

Need an update, or want to feel good about your life? Check out Cambria Currents on Facebook. You'll be sad you did.

One place that might actually change is Arroyo Grande. Two-term mayor Jim Hill was unseated from his controversial post running the county's most agitated city council meetings. Who's going to whine about everybody ganging up on them now that Hill's gone? Plus his buddy in arms, Tim Brown, took his final bow as well. Damn. It's too bad for me. My bi-weekly soap opera of the Arroyo Grande City Council is postponed until further notice.

What's it going to be like now that Caren Ray is at the helm and the renegades were tossed overboard? Will Julie Tacker continue to file Public Records Act request on random things in an attempt to make council members she doesn't like look bad? What will the Fair Political Practices Commission do now that it doesn't have to look into the ways that Hill tried to make his shady actions look unshady?

At least I still have the dumpster fire of San Luis Obispo County figuring and re-figuring out its pot regulations. The saga of county Code Enforcement invading California Valley and destroying pot plants, the cannabis abatement hearings that cannabis growers are suffering through because the county couldn't figure its life out, the Board of Supervisors constantly realizing that it didn't do things exactly right when it comes to legal cannabis, Code Enforcement Supervisor Art Trinidade's off-the-cuff remarks about pot growers.

I feel like I'll always have that. Δ

The Shredder is always an asshole at shredder@newtimesslo.com.

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