With respect to the proposed “South California” secession:

Oh dear, another halfway measure. The answer is to divide into five states: South Coast would become DEMENTIA, the Central Coast would become PRETENSIA, the Bay Area would become PERVERSIA, the northmost counties would become CANNABIS, and the eastern tier would become WEST REDNECK. Each child in what is now one state would have five times the chance to become a governor, supreme court justice, legislator, and so on. It’s time to provide our children with this expansion of opportunity. It’s for the children!