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The Bunker celebrates spring with an all-out shindig spectacular

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It’s 7 p.m. on a Saturday night, and I’ve got a pocketful of cash.

I’m headed to the Spring Art Spectacular party over at art space/place with a working bathroom, The Bunker. There will be candy there. Nothing can stop me.

BROWNIE POINTS:  Cat looks into the eyes of artist Bret Brown’s madcap creations. - PHOTO BY JESSICA PEÑA
  • PHOTO BY JESSICA PEÑA
  • BROWNIE POINTS: Cat looks into the eyes of artist Bret Brown’s madcap creations.

How did I get that cash, you may wonder? Did I rob a bank? Did I rob Rob Schneider? Did I pick out all the green Monopoly money and convince myself it was real?

Oh no, my pocketful-of-cash-less friends. I had a garage sale. I woke up at the unholy hour of 5:30 a.m. to shill some hot merchandise (read: Beanie Babies with food stains) to the public of Los Osos.

You see, my friend Cat is moving. And between the two of us, we easily have more than enough stuff to fill a, well, a medium-sized driveway it turns out: two tubs of Beanie Babies, eight boxes of books, three pairs of roller skates, and at least one replica of the legendary 13th century English property charter, the Magna Carta. Respect. There’s something for everyone.

FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD!:  Courtesy of HoneyBee Cakery, Bunker resident Liz Nagel, the Spring Art Spectacular featured quite the delicious spread of goods and sweets, from strawberry shortcake pops to chocolate truffles and popcorn. - PHOTO BY JESSICA PEÑA
  • PHOTO BY JESSICA PEÑA
  • FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD!: Courtesy of HoneyBee Cakery, Bunker resident Liz Nagel, the Spring Art Spectacular featured quite the delicious spread of goods and sweets, from strawberry shortcake pops to chocolate truffles and popcorn.

By 9 a.m., we’re making serious bank. I’ve got a Valentine’s Day chocolate box of sweet singles, ready for the Strip Club and/or some expensive fresh-pressed juice.

After selling the Magna Carta and some quality Beauty and the Beast figurines, we count up the cash. More than enough to buy some hot noodles before making our way to The Bunker for more food and art.

We arrive in style. Cat’s boasting a bedazzled fedora, and I remembered to wear socks—the goods ones too, the ones that only smell a little bit like a pickled egg coated in hippo farts. With that kind of allure, how could we be anything but ultra cool?

By the time we get to The Bunker, there’s already a full crowd there. Before us, by the main entrance, there’s a delectable cornucopia of candy, chocolate candy, cotton candy, and strawberry shortcake pops made by the illustrious Cakestress of HoneyBee Cakery, Liz Nagel.

Chocolate truffles? Why yes, I’ll take 20. A bucket of popcorn? Get out the way, kids! There are adults here who want some of that good-time, popped kernel madness.

PICTURE PERFECT:  New Times Flavor dame Hayley Thomas points out the finer points of Larry Letters’ photographs. We both agree: They are all rectangles. - PHOTO BY JESSICA PEÑA
  • PHOTO BY JESSICA PEÑA
  • PICTURE PERFECT: New Times Flavor dame Hayley Thomas points out the finer points of Larry Letters’ photographs. We both agree: They are all rectangles.

Abutting the food station is The Bunker’s resident bad boy Neal Breton showing off his colorful new, weather-themed paintings. He’s wearing a straw hat. Clearly didn’t get the bedazzled fedora memo.

I look beyond the throngs of eager art-goers to see New Times Flavor writer Hayley Thomas!

“Hey Hayley, you look as swell as a ripe Georgia peach on a warm summer’s day.”

“Sorry, who are you? You smell like pickled egg coated in hippo farts.”

Hmmm ... weird start to the evening.

OK, Hayley didn’t actually say that. But, in addition to being sleep-deprived from the 5:30 a.m. garage sale wake-up call, I was also super hopped up on allergy medication. Some of this may or may not have only happened in my head.

ON BOARD:  The Spring Art Spectacular also showcased the stunning work of skateboard artist Paige Poppe. - PHOTO BY JESSICA PEÑA
  • PHOTO BY JESSICA PEÑA
  • ON BOARD: The Spring Art Spectacular also showcased the stunning work of skateboard artist Paige Poppe.

I fought a bear; there were magnificently painted skateboards; I looked into a mirror and saw a red skull; some lady confused me for Welcome Back, Kotter star Gabe Kaplan; Cat and I ate some candy; Steve Buscemi asked me out on a date; I accepted; all were happy.

It was a pretty great evening all in all. No one got hurt. Not even during the bear fight. Tons of people gathered to talk art, eat sweets, and dig on all things divine. There are worse ways to celebrate a hard day slinging Beanie Babies on the corner. Until the next spectacular time, Bunker!

 

Seriously, these Beanie Babies 
are really hard to sell. If you 
want some (and I got ’em all), contact Jessica Peña at jpena@newtimesslo.com.

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