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The Department of Crappy Ideas

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It makes perfect sense that 1st District Supervisor John Peschong would select Dan Del Campo as his pick for the SLO County Planning Commission. I mean, why not? President Donald J. Trump picked global climate change skeptic Scott Pruitt to head the Environmental Protection Agency, public education foe Betsy DeVos to head the Board of Education, and former cult leader and convicted murderer Charles Manson to head the Federal Bureau of Prisons*, so why wouldn’t Peschong pick a former KPRL right-wing talk radio host and Breitbart contributor, climate change skeptic, and staunch opponent of environmental regulations to make important land-use decisions and ensure county projects comply with the California Environmental Quality Act? What could go wrong?

Sure, Del Campo may be the swing vote to reverse the Planning Commission’s denial of the Phillips 66 Rail Spur Extension Project, and he’ll likely be in support of the 350 new oil wells in the proposed Price Canyon oilfield expansion—provided the EPA allows the project an aquifer exemption—but no big whoop, right? Under Del Campo’s guidance, expect a fracking well in every backyard and a factory-farmed chicken in every pot! Oh, and if any wineries want to bulldoze ancient oaks to plant more grapes or suck the groundwater dry, no worries, because judging from his Facebook page, Del Campo loves his vino! And mojitos! And grappa! And Old Fashioneds! And mimosas!

“Salute to Santa Barbara,” reads a sparkling seascape photo post of a raised mojito near the Santa Barbara harbor from last Dec. 19. “No oil leaks here, surprise, surprise.”

Well, true, except for that 2015 spill when 143,000 gallons of crude flowed into the coast from the leaking Plains All American Pipeline. Of course, that was small change compared to the 1969 spill when Union Oil’s Platform A blew out, spilling upwards of 100,000 barrels—or 5.5 million gallons—into the ocean and beaches of Santa Barbara. Maybe all those drinking posts are messing with your memory, Danny boy.

Interestingly, 2nd District Supervisor Bruce Gibson voted to approve Del Campo as is standard board protocol. Both his and 3rd District Supervisor Adam Hill’s Planning Commission picks were approved unanimously. But Hill was the lone dissenting vote in Del Campo’s 4-1 approval. Why did Hill deny him? Was it because of Del Campo’s abysmal environmental positions? Yes, but Hill was also butt-hurt because Del Campo has been mean to him on his radio show, Sound-Off! Waahh! Come on, Adam! Don’t be petty. Stand against Del Campo because you’re pro-environment, not because you’re a thin-skinned baby-man who holds a grudge.

In other SLO County Board of Supervisors news, the right-wing BFFs Peschong, 4th District Supervisor Lynn Compton, and 5th District Supervisor Debbie Arnold may have strained their rotator cuffs patting themselves on the back over their triumph of prioritizing road maintenance in the board’s 2017-2018 budget. Maintaining our roads is super important, implored Arnold, even though she and her two conservative cronies lobbied against Measure J, the proposed half-percent sales tax increase that would have generated $25 million a year for nine years. It would have been earmarked specifically for our roads if two-thirds of voters had approved it. It lost by the narrowest of margins.

Nice work! Well, except for one small detail. Your prioritization win was for the $6 million discretionary budget, which is about 1 percent of the county’s budget. You brainiacs lobbied against a $25 million roadway improvement revenue stream and now you’re celebrating winning some small portion of the $6 million discretionary fund, which is also used for things such as homeless services?

“I’m not going to put potholes above poor people,” Hill said.

You’re not, but the board you serve on just did. Maybe we can put the homeless to work fixing potholes? Twofer!

The supervisors seem less interested in serving the people and more interested in hurting their political opponents. Personally, I’m getting sick of taking this crap.

You know who else isn’t going to take someone else’s crap? Pismo Beach!

The California Department of State Parks and Recreation requested moving three of its RV dumping stations from Grover Beach to Pismo Beach because they’re currently located near Grover Beach’s planned lodge and conference center. I guess Grover figures folks coming for a convention at their proposed fancy new center don’t want to see a line of RVs dumping steaming piles of poop.

“We’re not going to take your shit!” Pismo said, noting that the proposed relocation near a dumping station already located in Pismo’s North Beach camp is in a flood plane and is closed every time it rains, as it is right now.

This is a perplexing issue, but I know just the guy to fix it! Dan Del Campo! He’ll no doubt note that the vast Pacific Ocean is right there! Just back that RV into the surf and let go of that crap! Problem solved!

* Um, do you really think Trump picked Charles Manson to head the prison bureau? That one was a joke. The others? Not so much. Sad.

The Shredder would like to be appointed head of the Department of Saving Paper. Send ideas and comments to shredder@newtimesslo.com.

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