Opinion » Shredder

The grumpiest place

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Hey everyone, San Luis Obispo County is finally famous, again!

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But it's not for wine, beautiful beaches, and outdoor recreational opportunities. It's not for being the home of the Happiest Place in America. Although, we might get tagged as the Grumpiest Place in America, if you listen to the disgruntled members of the Republican Party of San Luis Obispo (RPSLO) who happen to own a majority of members on the county Board of Supervisors—although you wouldn't know it by the level of whining coming out of their mouths.

And it's not even District Attorney Dan Dow's crusade against police-brutality protesters, Tianna Arata's freeway protest court case, or the attorneys involved in that case accusing every member of local law enforcement of being a white supremacist. But it is associated with ex-President Donald "I've been canceled" Trump.

Yay! I love being famous!

This county got a shoutout on The Rachel Maddow Show "for the dumbest reason," as the SLO Street Medics put on their Instagram story. "Keeping it classy SLO County."

Is it because some ignoramus called into the SLO County Board of Supervisors May 4 and asked SLO County Clerk-Recorder Tommy Gong if he had a relationship with the Chinese Communist Party? Yes. At least this county's right-wing nutters can no longer claim they aren't actually racist. Because that shit was on the record for all to hear! Gotcha!

But that was just the icing on the conspiracist idiot cake. Really, Maddow's targets were the hundreds of "residents" who called in to that meeting to suddenly question the integrity of the local 2020 election and the top election official.

And so there our little county was, showcased after segments on the Israeli/Palestinian conflict and unwanted hysterectomies at an ICE facility. SLO County had the distinct honor of taking its place right in the middle of a segment about Republican Party antics in Maricopa County, Arizona, over the 2020 election—you know, the disjointed and unprofessional "fake audit clown show," as Maddow put it. #Proud.

But our fame started with a Washington Post article in which both Gong and RPSLO Chair Randall Jordan were interviewed about the hours of phone calls in to the supervisors meeting. Move over, Danny boy! Our district attorney's 15 minutes of national fame over his anti-protest antics are apparently over. Thank God. And yes, I'm talking to his god.

Gong told The Post that he'd never heard of a "forensic audit" when it came to elections—but apparently a few dozen extremely "well" informed callers knew more than the 15-year elections veteran, because they all repeated it verbatim, alongside several other statements they parroted from a group called Election Integrity Project California. Jordan has apparently ingratiated himself to this so-called integrity project even though he doesn't actually believe that any fraud took place during the 2020 election. What?!

He told New Times as much right after the November election and repeated his belief in non-fraud to The Post for its May 19 story. WTF Randall? Get your disciples in line up there! Don't cave to the crazies (even though I would argue that you might actually be borderline). His connection with the "integrity" project is pure: He wants to restore faith in elections, he told The Post.

"He said he does not believe the 2020 vote was rigged, but thinks it is essential to restore faith among those who believe voting is a 'waste of time' because of reports of fraud," The Post stated.

No! Leave them to their non-faith. Keep them in a vegetative state on their couch in front of Fox News and Trump TV! They are sheeple. (See what I did there?) Plus, I want my American flag back.

"The public has the right to ask for fair and honest elections and not take the word of our officials who have lied to us in the past," he told them.

Oh, you mean like Trump?! Lol, Randall. The irony is dripping off the cardboard cutouts of Trump and his family proudly displayed in RPSLO's Atascadero headquarters.

It's also ironic how much the conservative members of the Board of Supervisors want to ask the state to limit future elections, when they also lost their marbles over the Integrated Waste Management Authority (IWMA) daring to prohibit Styrofoam in the county.

The Republican-owned supes are throwing a conniption fit because their attempt to thwart the already-passed ordinance from becoming a reality was itself thwarted. Thanks to one smarty-pants lawyer, SLO City Councilmember Jan Marx, who also serves on the IWMA board and can read the fine print, they are threatening to get rid of the IWMA by claiming that it's too much government! #Adulttempertantrum.

So people like 5th District Supervisor Debbie Arnold are all about dismantling the agency—which oversees and coordinates waste collection in cities and the county—because it's "big" government imposing Styrofoam bans on cities that don't want it. Yet, she is the very same government official who basically cajoled the board into creating a new body to try to impose her will on almost all of North County when it comes to water because of a conspiracy theory about water pirates stealing groundwater and selling it to the highest bidder.

I can't even with these people. Δ

The Shredder is a grumpy SLO County resident with too much time to kill. Send complaints to shredder@newtimesslo.com.

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