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Why?

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News flash! The San Luis Obispo Democratic Party really, really, really doesn't want you voting for conservatives, Republicans, or libertarians.

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And they really, really, really want to make sure the people who visit their blog know about an attempted Republican coup in the city of San Luis Obispo. City Council candidate Abrianna Torres and Mayoral candidate Cherisse Sweeney are backed by—get this—known Republicans!

Gasp! No way!

I saw conservative 5th District Supervisor Debbie Arnold on the corner of Santa Rosa Street the other day waving a Torres/Sweeney sign, so I figured. They're anti-business regulations and anti-Black Lives Matter movement, so I figured.

Pro-law enforcement Torres thinks the media is profiting off of clicks just to tell lies to the American public about EVERYTHING, so I figured. I also don't know what actual person in the local news media she knows with a bank account flush with click cash, because it ain't happening. Meanwhile, Sweeney is basically running for office because she owns a downtown business, and all of the Mayor Heidi Harmon haters on Facebook love Sweeney, so I figured!

But, just in case you live under a rock and are just now tuning in to the election specifically through the SLO Dems blog, they've got your back in what they call the "stealth Republican takeover attempt." An attempt that's not all that stealthy if you look at who they've hired to run their campaigns—Pacific Coast Strategies, which worked on the No on Measure G campaign and apparently knows how to fundraise because they're kicking everyone's ass, Harmon included!

These "Trump aligned conservatives" who are cavorting around with "far right conservatives" and embracing "divisive conservative media" must have the Dems puckering just a tad as we head toward the election finish line! The Dems anti-Republican catchphrase game is almost as hot as the Republicans, who are against "ultra left progressives" (anything west of the Republican County line) who want to create a "socialist utopia" (any law that actually help people) that will destroy the "American way of life"—which I'm going to go ahead and argue is already dead, if the way we talk to and about each other is any indication.

Sweeney's outraised Harmon by more than $10,000, according to Sept. 24 campaign finance disclosure forms. And Torres has beat Harmon by about $5,000. What gives, Dems? You can't outraise a couple of stealthy conservatives? Open those pocketbooks! There are rich people on all sides! Be stealthy! Call Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders.

Sweeney has more yard signs on SLO's streets than Harmon. Let's go, people. Get out the yard signs! Don't you know people don't actually make informed decisions? They're not going to visit a blog. That's too much work. They want a drive-by decision. One they can see from the street.

It's an attempt that Republicans have been attempting for the last several election cycles because SLO city politics have been dominated by liberal, Democratic, and progressive voices. Duh! Those include a few of the candidates who the Dems are endorsing, including Harmon, current City Councilmember Andy Pease, and council candidate Kelly Evans.

No surprises there!

What is surprising is how loosey-goosey the city's residency requirements to run for office are. Did you know you only have to be a SLO city resident for 30 days (and a registered voter) before the election date if you'd like to run for local office? Sweeney apparently did. Her family apparently relocated into city limits from See Canyon Road, bought an apartment in the city, lived in it, then rented it out to renters, and are renting another house in SLO that they're living in. Which, what?

"When we knew we needed to find a final place to plant ourselves for a bit and I committed to run for our community, I committed to make sure we found a place to buy within city limits," she told New Times.

So, Sweeney committed to running for mayor before they actually lived in the city? Huh.

Although Sweeney herself is registered to vote at the apartment she is apparently no longer living in, her husband is still registered at their prior, outside-of-city-limits address—which essentially means that her one guaranteed voter can't actually vote for her.

"What is Sweeney hiding? Does she even live in the city of San Luis Obispo," Dems wrote in their blog piece.

Meanwhile, I'm wondering what in the actual hell the city was thinking with its little rule. To get an in-state tuition discount at Cal Poly, you have to live in California for one year and you have to demonstrate the intent to make the state your permanent home. So the requirements are stricter to pay less in college tuition than they are to get on a city's elected governing body. Why?

You know who else is wondering why? April Jean Dury, who's running for a seat on the Oceano Community Services District board. She's wondering why an embezzlement conviction in Nevada from 1999 is coming up now, and how one little $20,000 or more mistake from 21 years ago should matter in a 2020 election.

I guess that's for the voters to decide.

What I'm really wondering is why Dury's campaign signs look like the back of a prison jumpsuit—orange with that telltale black lettering. Δ

The Shredder thinks orange really is the new black. Send comments to shredder@newtimesslo.com.

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